Don't call me "Xiao Jie"!

In Singapore, we often have the habit of addressing a gentleman as "先生" (xian sheng) or a lady as "小姐 ” (xiao jie) in Chinese. This form of address is especially useful when we are addressing a stranger or when we are addressing a waiter/waitress/salesperson in Chinese.

However, things seem to be rather different in Beijing. I will take this opportunity to recount an event that my mother and I faced when we were holidaying in Beijing 3 months ago.

The incident happened when we were having our lunch in a Chinese restaurant on the first day of our tour in Beijing. When my mother reached out to a waitress and called her "小姐", the smile on the waitress' face quickly fade away and she just turned and walked away. My mother called out a few more times but it seems to be falling on deaf ears. Luckily our tour guide heard my mother and requested the waitress to attend to us.

At first, I was quite offended by the waitress' attitude. Personally, I feel that her service needs to be improved. If this had happened in Singapore, the restaurant would probably receive a letter of complaint from the customer.

When we had finished our lunch and returned to our bus coach, our tour guide explained to everyone that "小姐" is actually used to address girls working as hostess in nightclubs. Instead, we should address a lady as "姑娘" (gu niang) or waitress as “服务生” (fu wu sheng). For a man, we should address him as 师夫 (shi fu, meaning master), especially if he is skilled in a certain trade. Now we understand why the waitress totally ignored us and gave us a cold shoulder. She feels that it is demeaning and may even think that we were insulting her when we addressed her as "小姐".

From the above incident, it can be seen that even though we are of the same race, different countries will have different cultural background and understanding towards the same words. It is always wise to find out more about the country's social customs, from greetings to business dealings, so as to avoid any misunderstandings or conflict. It is also important to be versatile and there may be a need to adjust the way you interact with people when you are in a foreign country.

For me, I have resolved not to call any China ladies "小姐" after this incident. However my mother kept forgetting that this is a taboo phrase and would call out once in a while. I was always the one who had to apologise profusely to the ladies after that.

Note: We can see that English words also have different meanings in different cultures too. Here is a table that indicates that some English words have different meaning in Britain and America. (You may click on the table to see an enlarged version.)